As I was at work Monday and Tuesday, yesterday was the first day of the holidays for me, the first day in a long while due to my operation and of course school that I had been with both children on my own. I was so excited and looking forward to spending this time with them, just an ordinary day at home with my babies before we set off on our big french adventure for August. I also decided to try and film a little bit and make a video as I want to start doing this more and having found a broken camera that I usually use, last week I ordered myself a new one and wanted to practice before we go away. Not with the intention of writing about it at all.
And oh am I glad that I did it. I posted on my social media last night that it was a tough day, it was one of those parenting days that expectation vs reality rears it’s ugly head. I struggled to find the balance of keeping both of them and me happy whilst also achieving the essentials to get through the day – not to mention the to do list. As I got to the end of the day I was exhausted and a little frazzled and as soon as Eddy came through the door from work I immediately headed upstairs for a lay down and just to be by myself for a moment before bedtime began.
I definitely think we all need some time to adjust to being together again and for Eva to get to grips with not being entertained 24/7 – something she isn’t all too good at. I beat myself up a little bit that perhaps I hadn’t done a great job today and I had that motherly guilt of the disappointment that maybe the first day of the holidays wasn’t fun for the children.
But then I sat and had a look at the moments I filmed, the snippets of the day and reminded myself that no it was not filled with endless fun and none stop laughter. But that’s life, that’s real and that’s us. It was filled with fun, it was filled with lovely moments between sisters, visits from friends and moments that made me smile that I was there – it was just mixed with a few raised voices, slammed doors and stamping feet. Although I do want this blog to be real and to be an honest take on our life; I do love to take the positives because every day is full of them and I would like to focus on them most. For me and for the children, for them to grow up in a space that we accept the not so great and the downright horrid but we celebrate the positives just as much, if not more. And actually they don’t see anywhere near as much of the ‘bad’ in a day as I do anyway. So I decided to edit and share it because this is us right now, giggles, messy hair and dropped lips included.
And after all, it was actually a pretty good day.