As I sit here to write this it is almost 11pm on saturday night and I am halfway through packing for a night away tomorrow as we are taking the girls to Legoland Windsor for a couple of days. I always forget how much planning and stuff you need for just one night when you have allergies, hot weather and a child still in nappies. I am pretty sure we may aswell be going for a week! Anyway my point here is that everything this week seems to have been a little bit last minute, a little bit rushed and manic. With end of term activities and events at school, trying to get everything in order before the Easter holidays and just normal day to day things, it hasn’t been especially exciting stuff, just life in general but I feel like I haven’t really stopped.
The one thing I love to do in life is just to sit and be still, to take in my surrounding and to savour the seasons, the things that only come around once a year and which by the next time we see them the children will be so much more grown up, life will have changed and I love to watch them in the moment without always having half an eye on something else, I like to make time to do that in an otherwise busy week.
The gardens just a few minutes from us has an amazing display of daffodils in full bloom at the moment so on Wednesday when I collected Eva from school I surprised her with a picnic amoungst the daffodils. It was really lovely (albeit a little bit cold and windy and I mostly ate in my coat!) to think that this is the start of the time we can pack up some sandwiches and head to the park, to jump in the car and see where it takes us just because, and the ability to relax a little with the light evenings too. We sat and chatted, I sat as they ran around and decided to have running races back to me from the row of daffodils as far as the eye could see and they say deep in conversation eating their picnic side by side. It was one of those moments I will remember forever, where they were happy in each others company and you can see it’s the start of the years to come where they run off and play together. I hadn’t realised just how excited I have been for this time with them.
This year is also probably the first one I have been more relaxed about Eva’s allergies. She is pretty much allergic to the entire outside (trees, grass, pollen, suncream – the lot!) and it has always been a gamble or a weight we have to bare if we put her amoungst it and pay the price the following day. Yet with medication and a care plan in place that we feel confident is working now, and that we keep on top of at this time of year, it feels so much more freeing to let her be and really enjoy the flowers blooming. I mean she still is aware of the allergies, it definitely affects her and she will never feel freshly cut grass between her toes, but she seems so happy, to run in and out of the flowers with Roma, to get really close and not have me staring at her in case she touches them or her eyes swell in front of me. It’s funny how you don’t realise you have been on edge every year about something until suddenly that dissipates a little and you can breathe it in again.
It was a wonderful hour in an otherwise manic week and I am very thankfully we made the effort. Eddy was due to pick Eva up to go back to school for chocolate bingo (ironic given her milk allergy too) so he came to meet us there and it was lovely to see them run as fast as they could when they spotted him in the distance and watch as he scooped them up in his arms. We sat together on the blankets and Eva showed him a video she had made for her school project (a vlogger in the making there) he was so so proud of her, he said it was the best thing he had ever seen and as she cuddled him to say thank you a little tear fell out of his eye, a tear of pure pride from a daddy to his not so little girl.
Before we finally packed up to leave I asked Eddy to take some photos of me and the girls as I hadn’t managed to get any on Mothers day and I have to say I think they are some of my favourites, they show life just as it is at the moment, Roma has no shoes on, Eva is sitting on my arm despite being a little bit too big and I am letting all this happen around me because there isn’t anywhere else I would rather be and the smile on my face says it all.
My arms are full but my heart is fuller. Bring on two whole weeks together, with exciting days, simple ordinary days and hopefully more picnics than we can count.
I love this photo that Eva snapped of Roma and I, I love that you can not only see my wrinkles and messy hair that has never fully recovered from postpartum hairloss at the front but also the lines she has in her eyes, it reminds me that these aren’t just wrinkles, these are laughter lines, lines that tell you I am smiling wide even without being able to see my mouth.