As I sit here and write you this letter it is 7.30pm. The house is silent and you have just gone to bed for the final time as a 1 year old. My 1 year old. And I sit here with big fat tears rolling down my face at the mere thought that this is the last time. Tomorrow you will be 2. Don’t get me wrong I am fully aware that those 12 little hours do not make an instant difference. That you will not in fact wake up in the morning a whole inch taller or suddenly able to get yourself dressed without help and that in fact you will still have the same infectious giggle, still drop to the floor when you think you are about to be tickled and will still be a Daddy’s girl through and through.
Nothing actually changes, but then so much does too. As I place my fingers around your door handle in the morning, tentatively step foot into your bedroom after hearing you shout for Daddy and see you lying there snuggled under your blankets clutching rabbit or whatever soft toy has taken your fancy overnight, as you ask me not to turn the lamp on because it is “too bright Mummy” I just know that it will feel like you have grown up. Instantly. Overnight.
Over the last few weeks I have been desperately clinging on to the baby days, but really they have been gone a long time already. You my littlest lady, came into the world like the whirlwind that you are and you have not stopped since. You are truly your own person now and what a person that is.
You are confident and brave, thoughtful and kind and a stubborn force to be reckoned with. You are a Daddy’s girl and have definitely got mischief at the core! Whilst you are well mannered and well behaved and people often comment on your nature, your amazing speech and impeccable behaviour. You also know your own mind and know how to make that known. You don’t really have tantrums I think because your speech has always been good enough to tell me what you are thinking, but that doesn’t always mean that we agree and oh boy do you love to argue!
Without a doubt the best person in the world to you is your sister. The love that you have for her makes my heart skip a beat and the look in your eyes when you are together actually makes me cry. You absolutely adore her and let me tell you she adores you too. Whilst you are in a hurry to do pretty much anything that she is doing and think nothing of trying because to you the 4 years difference is irrelevant, you also bring so much to the table. You have been the light in her life, the childlike breeze that sweeps her off her feet and lets her remember to laugh, to be silly and carefree. And baby girl I love you for that.
You truly have the loveliest relationship, you have recently started to squabble but I see so much of it is because you are so entwined in each others lives now that even Eva doesn’t remember what life was like before you had each other. Like your individuality is blurred somehow, so different yet merged into one another. You share each others pain, and feel each others joy. And you both instinctively know that no matter what is said and done that it will all be ok because you have each other.
You need her, you want her, but you are unapologetically you.You run with wild abandon, you laugh with all the energy you can and you sing at the top of your voice like no-ones watching, even when everyone is. You like tractors and cars, bikes and scooters, and soft toys and pushchairs. You have no agenda, no worries and no boundaries. You are a breath of fresh air.
In contrast to this you can be sensitive and shy, still so young as you learn about the world and about being on your own. Recently you have been asking if you can please go to nursery school, you are so sociable that you would rather have company or indeed wait at the window for Eva to come home than be by yourself. Yet as independent as you are, you love nothing more than to snuggle into me, give Eskimo kisses, or sit on the side whilst I make lunch just to be within touching distance with your “I want you” pleas that would melt anyone’s heart.
And that is exactly what you have done, you have brought mayhem, and chaos and sometimes I wonder how I am ever going to sleep soundly again, but you have melted our hearts and brought so much innocent laughter that life absolutely would not be the same without you. I am loving this stage and getting to know the feisty, funny, sleep thieving, loving little person that is you.
At 1.18pm today I will no doubt shed a tear as I think about the very moment you came into our family and made the world a better place just by being in it.
You truly are the light of our lives, the rainbow that broke through the clouds and brought more joy with you than I could ever have imagined.
If I could choose any 2 year old, I would always choose you.
Always be you. Mummy loves you.
Who knew that getting a toddler that never ever sits still to stand and hold a slightly deflated balloon in the freezing cold would be hard work! Never work with children – or balloons! I almost didn’t choose the top photo at all because the number wasn’t facing the right way, but actually that pretty much sums up Roma. Of both of my children she will be the rule breaker for sure!