I sit there on the chair in the corner of a dimly lit room feeding baby R before bedtime. I look at her in amazement, staring right into those big innocent eyes, the eyes that can melt my heart with just a glance, the eyes that just 4 short months ago came screaming into this world changing it forever, the eyes that remind me that time goes by so fast and that I had better soak up every moment whilst I can. I hold her a little tighter, try to capture the way she looks right here right now and as she nuzzles herself closer into me to feed she catches my gaze….and blinks, looking directly into my eyes she blinks. The kind of deliberate blink that seemed like she was actually communicating with me. I blink back and she responds, doing the same as I did, I repeat this of course just to be sure it wasn’t a fluke! The beautiful hazel colour pops out at me under the lamplight, those long eyelashes that I am so envious of seem to make waves as her soft eyelids close and open again so slowly. In that moment, with this still so new to me baby, it felt like the whole world could crumble around us and we wouldn’t even notice. I knew I would treasure this first communication forever.
It became a ‘thing’, a quirky character trait that although she occasionally shared with other people she would mainly reserve for me. For those intimate feeds, those quiet moments where she wasn’t too busy exploring the world around her to give me a second glance, and it felt so so special. Like we had our own little language that I never tired of seeing. Of course as is the nature of these habits, and of these early years, they change so much and so quickly that ironically you blink and you miss it. I have noticed this week she has been doing it a lot less, now at 13 months, as she starts to talk and is able to communicate in other ways it is becoming one of those stories we tell rather than an every day occurrence. As I write this I have just put her to bed, knowing I would document these feelings here now and so as she lay there in my arms sleepily, right there exactly where it happened for the very first time, I looked into those eyes. Those eyes that are now a little browner, a little wiser, looked on at the hair that is a little bit longer and felt her feet pushing against the chair because they now only just fit when she is laying like this. She looks at me for a while and I blink. She stares, I see the cheeky expression on her face, the knowing look and instead of the blink communication I was expecting, she laughs. She smiles, lets out a little giggle and the sleepy look is instantly wiped off her face there and then as her tiny hand reaches out of the close embrace heading straight for my face. Glasses ceremoniously removed in one swift motion, she puts her finger firmly into my eye socket and shouts the word “eye” – or at least her version of it. I cannot help but smile, let out a little giggle to join her.
I know that this moment, this special form of communication has passed us by. Having returned my glasses to their rightful place and being able to see her again I just look in wonder at how we got here. I’m not sad, I am honoured, excited and hopeful. I know that as one ordinary moment comes to an end, as there is another ‘last’ that I haven’t been able to exactly pinpoint or remember – there are lots and lots of firsts. New ordinary moments to treasure and more adventures to come. Communication wise this is just the start, I can’t wait to hear the real sound of her voice, the funny things that she says, the way she will have her own way of saying things like she does already and the way in which this will change the relationship she has with her big sister. Keep growing Little Lady, you’re doing a great job and I cannot wait for the next chapter and to share this journey with you.
Thank you to Katie over at Mummy Daddy Me for having this “The Ordinary Moments” linky. Without this I would probably never remember this, yet another wonderful but small ordinary moment in our lives.
Obviously I wanted to capture this moment not only in word form but also in photo’s, I now regret not doing it previously when she was a little less mobile and headstrong. To be able to capture the little lines around her eyes as she screwed them up so tight, the real emphasis she gave to the pure nature of blinking. I did however manage to get some really lovely photo’s and although I wasn’t able to capture her actually blinking I love these. Of her cheeky face, of her beautiful big eyes, long lashes and of course of her “no more photo’s please” protest!