We seem to spend a lot of our weekends at National Trust properties these days, I mean I can think of worse ways to spend a Sunday I have to be honest so I think I just need to accept this is our thing now. Does that make me officially middle aged? Or just a middle class parent with a National Trust Membership? I am not sure but when my sister visits and the sun shines it brings contentment to everyone so really there is nothing more needed than that.
The shortest month of the year has felt anything but to me as there seems to have been so much going on. We have spent this month in the midst of Eva being poorly (she had an operation on her ear in January and still isn’t right) Truth be told (and contrary to what these pictures portray) it hasn’t been an easy month at all, but as usual there have been happy times and as my letter board in the kitchen currently says ‘every day may not be good but there is good in every day’ so I am channeling that here.
At the start of the month it was Romas 4th birthday which was amazing (ok so the actual day was spent at the hospital with Eva but we made up for that), how she is 4 now though I will never be able to grasp! She loved all the celebrations that spanned the weekend and had the best ever dinosaur party at home with some of her friends and it was just wonderful to lavish all the attention onto her and what she loves. Even if that did mean a crazily late night getting everything ready, drafting in the help of Eddy and my sister, and then having a power cut. All good fun for stories to tell hey.
What followed was a really tough time that I find every February with the anniversary of the baby that we lost. I have learnt over the years there is nothing I can do but cry, to get through it and know that I am sad for a reason and as much as I would want that to change, I also wouldn’t. For that moment I can’t be strong, I can’t carry on and some days that is ok. What it does bring is to concentrate on what we do have and to make sure I appreciate that.
Life does of course have to go on, thankfully we have enjoyed some glorious February weather which always makes us feel lighter, we celebrated valentines day with a simple meal at home for Eddy and I and I made heart shaped everything for the girls lunch too. Not to mention bought them a heart shaped balloon each which Roma and I took for a walk to the park!! We must have looked so strange but it was just the cutest thing and Roma cares not what anyone thinks. I am trying to be more like her.
Before we knew it half term was upon us and even though Eva was still a little poorly, and lets be honest has spent more time at home than at school this month anyway, she seemed ok and we had the most simple and lovely half term together with enough to do each day but nothing really big or too taxing. Unfortunately she got a lot more poorly after that and as I write this she is off school (she lasted all of 30 minutes on Monday) with intense dizziness and nausea, Eddy is away in France with work and I am on the constant look out for signs of meningitis as directed by the doctors which is lets say a lot of pressure and worry. She has had three lots of antibiotics in the past month and more appointments than I care to recall, as you can imagine there hasn’t been much sleep going on around here for me and bless her she is just perplexed that she was fine before the operation and it has actually complicated life in the most worrying of ways.
I can’t say that we are through that yet and it does seem to consume all of lifes logistics (and clearly all of my thoughts) I do feel for her but I am also thankful that she is ok, we are all ok and sometimes it is easy to see what is missing but if this month has shown me anything it is that it’s also really important to see what is actually there.
So this is us in February, me and mine, always missing someone but always grateful to have each other.