It has been a busy and emotional week here as we not only come to the end of another school year and approach the six weeks holidays with excitement and the inevitable trepidation that comes with the prospect of entertaining 2 little ones 24 hours a day aswell as juggling blogging, the house and the social life of said children that rivals my own, but we also say a farewell to Eva’s school altogether.
In September she, we, will be starting a new path at a new school and although we know it is the right choice for us right now it is of course also a really big change, an unknown. On Friday I stood in the playground for the final time awaiting that last friendly nod from the teacher as she released Eva back into my arms. That playground where I know everyone’s face, I know the people I can laugh with, joke with, walk back to the car with, call actual lifelong friends and hear their tongue in cheek advice to maybe keep my sarcasm and pinterest Mum tendencies under wraps at the new school, you know just don’t be myself and I’ll be fine, at least on the first day! I know them, and they know me.
After last year I was ready for the tradition that is to let the year 6 students out first to a huge applause from parents as the rest of the school parted to let them through, it is such a lovely and sweet moment. What I wasn’t ready for though was that Eva would be right there at the front before them as their little goodbye to her and so of course I cried like a baby. Once every child had walked through that gate for the last time we said a fond farewell to the teachers, we shed a few tears and thanked them to everything they have done. It may not have been a perfect time for my little lady these last two years but we will take away such amazing memories, it will always be her first foot into education and forever a part of her journey.
She has done so well in year 1, academically she is exceeding in all areas, she is now free reading which is still her biggest passion and continues in her love of arts and crafts. She loved the teacher that she had for the most part of this year and she seemed to know her really well, when she came out she was wearing a rosette of ‘The Advisor Award’ which I think is a pretty perfect representation of Eva’s mature and sensible nature! Socially it has still been a little bit of a struggle but she has come on leaps and bounds in her confidence, knowing who she is and being able to stand by that which makes me prouder than anything. She will miss the friends that she has made along the way, although actually we will still see them so I have told her not to worry about that!
Eva held her nerve in the playground, she said her goodbyes and was her usual polite self, it wasn’t until she got back in the car in the comfort of our company that she had a little cry. We arrived home and had an almighty hug for her to let it all out and a big talk about how change feels daunting but that’s ok and that most people feel the same. That I felt the same. In that moment though, with tears soaking through my top, long arms that now reached all the way around me holding on tight and feeling the weight of her body pressed closely to mine, I suddenly had this ache in my heart. The same ache as I felt holding a 4 year olds hand when that first school place came in. I don’t want to fail her.
I am so so proud of the person that she has become and I know you cannot possibly walk every path in life but I don’t want to fail her. Again. It feels like the right decision of course, we haven’t taken it lightly and although I am really excited, I am nervous too but mostly to know that we are making the right move for her. And that she knows that. That when I say to her all I ever ask is that she tries her best, I really really want her to know that that is what I am doing too. I don’t have all the answers, I may not always get it right, I might sometimes get it really wrong and for that I am truly sorry but I am trying my best and someday I hope she knows that. In this moment though I hope that of all the decisions we have ever made for her this is the right one because I suddenly feel the weight of parenthood on my shoulders that I cannot shift.
You can’t walk every path, you can’t always know the outcome, but I want to teach her to follow her dreams, to allow her to be herself and to put herself first, even if that means change. Even if that change is a little bit scary, and a little bit daunting, that she knows she will never be alone because I’m on this journey too and come September we will be standing at those school gates together. .
Now let’s forget about school baby girl and have a fantsatsic summer, six weeks, just you, just us.