Baby Loss. This isn’t something I would usually write about for my ordinary moments posts. Continue reading →
Grief is a funny old thing. It can hit you when you least expect it, for little to no reason at all or the slightest memory reminds you of the hurt that is hiding away just below the surface. Today as I went about my normal day it hit me. Consumed me. All I could feel was grief, guilt, anger, sadness and disappointment. As I went about my day my only thought was trying to stop the tears from flowing. Continue reading →
Since sharing my eldest Little Ladies name here I have been meaning to sit down and share R’s name too, after the excitement and the nerves hovering over the publish button came the realisation that I had to write this one aswell. I have loved sharing her name and am so happy with the decision but something feels different this time. I feel the kind of nerves and excitement where you get butterflies in your tummy, the kind where you are so overwhelmed it’s hard to find the perfect words as the final piece of the puzzle for this online space of mine takes place. Much like when we made that journey back home from the hospital with her, the four of us, my whole and complete world in one car. We walked into the house together on that cold February day with everything we had ever wanted and I remember crying at the sheer perfection of that moment, sitting with a cup of tea and looking around at the life I got to lead each and every day. Continue reading →
Names, does it get more ordinary than a name? Than the hundreds of times a day I must say the names of my Little Ladies whether that is telling them just how much I love them with a huge squeeze or a whisper in their ear like it’s our own little secret, letting them know dinner is ready and hearing the stampede from wherever they are in the house at the mere prospect of food, or indeed with a more stern voice that I can in fact see the mischief they are getting up to even though I am in another room as they wonder just how on earth I always seem to keep an eye on them. This isn’t to mention the many many more times I actually hear their names, from other people, friends, family and now from each other, it is an ordinary moment which never gets old.
Today is International Hyperemesis Awareness Day.
I am all too aware of that word. I have written about my hyperemesis story before and I thought that was all I had to say. All I could share. Yet I sit here tonight and I can’t stop thinking about it. I don’t want it to define me, to govern my every day and to be honest it has left things so raw I don’t think I could. Yet it has changed me immeasurably, changed my view on my family, my relationship with my first born child, her own outlook on pregnancy, the dynamics, my view of myself, pretty much every aspect of my life. We move on, and to the outsider who knows no different we are just like anyone else. I was a little bit sick in pregnancy but here I am the other side and that’s just a story now. But it never ever goes away, never leaves your mind and I still wouldn’t want any other women to have to go through it. I can’t forget it. If I forget it I am afraid that will mean I forget the life that never was, I can’t do that, I can’t fail them again. Continue reading →
Back in September 2014 before I had even started blogging and 20 weeks pregnant, I made this video for our friends and family as something a little different and a way to let them know if we were having a boy or a girl. Continue reading →
When I found out I was expecting my first child there was this feeling of overwhelming joy, a much wanted, planned for pregnancy. Having been married 8 months and just 6 weeks earlier moved into our new house it was a wonderful whirlwind of emotions. I pictured 9 months of this same excitement as we got ready to welcome our new baby into this little world we had created, our family. I pictured the growing baby, the perfect little bump on my petite frame, the beautiful pregnant lady body, the kicks, the nursery planning, the times just us enjoying every moment before our lives changed forever, the glow that everyone gets…..Right??? Continue reading →